What If Gratitude Didn’t Feel Like Another Rule?
Have you ever noticed how gratitude can feel like another wellness rule we’re supposed to follow? Another item on the already endless list of things we should be doing for our wellbeing?
I was wandering around a festival by the seaside recently when I stumbled across a talk by a professional surfer. I wasn’t planning to stop, but something made me pause and listen. He was talking about his gratitude practice, and what caught my attention was how refreshingly simple it was.
He wasn’t talking about keeping a daily journal or follow an elaborate morning ritual. He simply sends one gratitude text a month to someone in his life.
That’s it. Once a month, he reaches out and tells someone why he appreciates them.
Sitting there on the beach, listening to this, my first thought was “only once a month?” We’re so often told we need daily gratitude practices, morning rituals, detailed journals. Yet here was someone who had genuinely transformed through gratitude, and his practice was beautifully uncomplicated.
Which got me wondering, have we made gratitude too complicated?
Think about it. When gratitude becomes a daily obligation, what happens? For many of us, it turns into another thing we feel guilty about when we don’t keep up with it. Another area where we’re not quite measuring up to the wellness ideal.
Yet once a month is manageable. It’s intentional without being overwhelming. It’s sustainable without becoming another burden.
And here’s what strikes me most about this approach, it’s outward focused. Not just listing things in a private journal, but actively connecting with someone, letting them know they matter. That’s powerful.
Because when you send that text, something shifts. The person receives it and feels the gratitude too. More often than not, they send a message back. And suddenly you’ve created a ripple of connection.
It makes me think about the difference between gratitude as a personal practice and gratitude as connection. Both have value, yet there’s something particularly meaningful about expressing appreciation directly to another person. It strengthens relationships. It reminds us we’re not alone. It creates moments of genuine warmth in what can be a rather disconnected world.
Think about the last time someone unexpectedly told you they appreciated you. Not in an obligatory “thanks for that” way, but genuinely expressed what you meant to them. How did it feel?
Now imagine being the person who creates that feeling for someone else.
Yet here’s where I want us to pause for a moment.
This isn’t about adding another “should” to your life. It’s not about forcing yourself to text someone if it doesn’t feel genuine. Because forced gratitude isn’t real gratitude, is it?
So perhaps the question isn’t “am I doing gratitude right?” but rather “what form of gratitude actually works for me?”
Maybe you’re someone who loves a daily practice. Perhaps you find joy in writing each morning about what you appreciate. That’s wonderful if it truly serves you.
Or maybe something simpler and less frequent feels more authentic. A monthly text. A weekly phone call to someone you’ve been thinking about. A moment of appreciation you voice out loud rather than write down.
The key is finding what feels genuine rather than prescribed. What emerges naturally rather than what we force ourselves to do.
Because here’s what I’ve learned, both in my own life and through working with clients: the practices that transform us are the ones we can actually sustain. The ones that feel like connection rather than obligation. The ones that fit into our real lives, not our idealised versions of what our lives should look like.
What if this month, instead of starting another gratitude journal that might gather dust, you tried this approach? One text. One person. One genuine expression of appreciation.
Notice what happens. Notice how it feels to connect in this way. Notice whether it’s something you’d want to continue.
And if it doesn’t resonate? That’s valuable information too. Perhaps you’ll discover what does work for you.
The beautiful thing about wellbeing practices is that they’re not one-size-fits-all. What matters is finding what genuinely supports you, what feels authentic, what you can maintain without it becoming another source of guilt or pressure.
So here’s my invitation: what might gratitude look like for you if you released the rules about how it’s supposed to be done?
